Thursday, September 17, 2015

1200 Calories

There is a great group I belong to on Facebook. Its called Jillian Michael's Workout Junkies. The group is filled with [mostly] women. I LOVE the group and the women in it. They are so motivational. I have started running and doing Jillian Michaels' workouts after joining this group because I love the results the women are showing.

Many of the posts on the group are saying that you should never lower your calories below 1200, and that it impedes weight loss. This is a huge problem for me...

I don't know if you know about my past eating issues/disorder, but about three years ago, I got down to 100 pounds. Getting down to 100 pounds was achieved by me eating 200-800 calories a day, with about one binge day a week. I also exercised as much as I could.

When I read these comments that you shouldn't lower your calories below 1200, my immediate reaction is to say, "they don't know what they are talking about!" The only way I seemed to lose weight was to eat a very small amount of calories. A pro-ana website I belong to has a ton of girls who lose weight by starving or near starvation diets. Hundreds of anorexics can't be wrong, right?

Yes, this is the type of thinking I've had for pretty much the last 15 years.

But over the past few days, something has clicked. I have looked back over the past few weeks, and saw my calorie trackers and workout results. I can say that my best runs/workout sessions are mornings after I ate 1200 or more calories.  My best workouts have happened following the days that I ate 1200 or more calories. I am slightly beginning to see that "food is fuel". I need to eat an adequate amount of calories to ensure a good workout and a change in body results.

I hope that by changing my habits and feelings about food, and continuing to exercise and run, I will get in the best shape of my life. I want to be healthy. I want to prevent becoming obese/overweight in my later life. When I got skinny by starving, I wasn't healthy. I was skinny, but squishy, not toned and fit.

I want to be toned and fit. I need to change my way of thinking to be focused on being fit and healthy, rather than just "getting skinny", I need to stop worrying about the number on a scale and worry instead about my overall health.

I am finally ready to fully leave my binging/starving/eating issues behind. I am ready for those 1200 calories. 

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Let's Talk About Kids...

I think its time to write another post on my "childfree" status.

I am thinking about this, because I recently filled out my Year 6 questionnaire of the childfree study I'm participating in.

I discovered something when answering her questions, (as well as a few conversations I've had with past "love interests" of mine). When I am on my own, single, and not dating anyone, I am 100% CF-never want kids, no way, no how, uh-uh. Then, once I am dating someone, or thinking about dating someone, or considering dating them in the long-term, and if that person mentions anything about wanting kids, or having had wanted kids in the past, suddenly I'm all on board the baby train...

Not because I actually want a baby. I think its more that I think, "hmm, they aren't 100% CF, maybe the only way I can keep a relationship going is to talk about having kids".


After these relationships end, I always end up saying, "what was I thinking?! I don't want kids. Why did I even start thinking about that?"

I guess I am confused. But if my true self is the self that I am when I am alone, and its then that I am 100% childfree, then doesn't that mean I should be childfree all the time?

If anyone wants to "play" armchair psychology, what do you think's going on? :)